31 July 2005
If you are a married guy, the chances are that you’re only reading this during a brief pause in listening to your wife’s whining. “That toilet needs unblocking, help me with dinner, hurry up laying that patio, kiss my rosy arsehole, etc.”
Being a bachelor, my Sunday is very, very relaxing compared to that of a married man.
Thanks to going to bed at 5:30AM after a relaxing night of surfing the internet and watching porn, I slept in a little bit late this morning. It was actually the afternoon – 12:25PM to be exact – when I finally sat up in bed, yawning and scratching my big bachelor nuts. There’s no woman next to me to tell me to shift out of bed at 7:00AM and mow the fucking lawn. Admittedly I don’t have a woman in bed with me to have sex with, but given that about 1-in-5 marriages are sexless and the rest involve sex only on her terms (i.e. when you’ve just bought her a new dress) the chances are that many married men reading this have had to satisfy themselves like I do, with a quick meeting with Madam Palm and her Five Lovely Daughters. Except, as a bachelor, I can indulge in the pleasures of onanism in the living room without having to worry about some Nagmonster barging in and shrieking “OMG! WTF! You disgusting pervert!”
So, anyway, I’m up at half-twelve. I had a nice cigarette whilst checking my e-mails. Then I had a coffee and another cigarette whilst playing a bit of Soldier of Fortune II until I got bored of shooting virtual people’s virtual brains out. A nice big fry-up followed. Mmmm…sausages and bacon. Are women more likely to be vegetarians? I’ve heard they are. I’ve known guys who pitifully give up meat just because their ‘missus’ is a veggie. Meat is good. Meat is tasty! Yes, I know full well that an animal died to provide the juicy slabs of bacon on my toast this morning, and I salute that dead animal for its brave sacrifice in the service of providing nice breakfasts. I’ll salute its sacrifice again tomorrow when I fry and eat the bastard’s other arse cheek.
Come two o’clock and I’m down at the local supermarket. I bought some booze, hamburgers, potatoes, bacon and waffles. I also bought some pizza that, right at this moment in time, I’m currently stuffing into my mouth. Munch munch. I’m also currently watching Beavis & Butthead. I downloaded a few episodes via BitTorrent the other day. It’s not even six and I’m pleasantly drunk, eating pizza and watching some great comedy. What’s planned for this evening? I’ll probably have a nice relaxing bath and read Viz whilst I’m soaking in the tub. Then I’ll probably have a few more glasses of wine and watch some of the many South Park and The Simpsons episodes that are lying around the Hard Drives of my five computers. Also, I’ve just reinstalled Deus Ex and I’d like to play some of that too. Who knows what the future may bring? Whatever I want it to, that’s what.
If I was married I would probably be standing in a stupid department store right now, looking at my watch and tutting whilst the wife decides which dress she’s only going to wear once she wants to buy with my fucking money!
But I’m not married. I’m an eternal bachelor. To put it another way, I’m eternally happy and free.
Whilst I’m here, may I direct sir’s attention towards the links in my blogroll? Check them out.
posted by Duncan Idaho @ 4:18 PM
At 12:03 PM, Anonymous said…
So you spend your days and nights watching a computer screen, spanking your monkey, and eating crap?
That’s kind of pathetic, actually.
At 7:27 AM, TestSubjectXP said…
Judge away while us bachelors enjoy life.
At 10:04 PM, Knight40 said…
Why is it pathetic? because he is enjoying his life? because he is not under the control of a freak feminazi? because he is not a wage slave and is probably self employed? because he is not supporting and providing 95% of needs to an out of balanced relationship?
I could list more.
Stay single, forget western women and marriage.
They got independence, now they are whining that they got it, what hypocrisy.
No man in his right mind would marry a WW.
They are completely out of control, and the marriage strike is working and picking up more steam.
To fems, eat your heart out.
At 7:40 PM, Duncan Idaho said…
Anonymous up there is obviously married and henpecked. Ho ho! Point and laugh everyone.
At 3:33 AM, NavyGuy said…
I’m 26 years old and am in the Navy stationed in Okinawa. Before I entered the Navy, I was your typical bachelor working and studying his way through college and in the process noticing all the pathetic excuses for women nowadays. Similar to you, I basically did my own thing (went to movies, read cool books, play video games etc. etc.)
At least some of the women here in Japan are decent. After being stationed here some 18 months, I’ve noticed a significant difference in the overall quality of the feminine nature of women over here. Sure you still have your crazy stray ones, but if I were a betting man, I would be more willing to place my bets with a Japanese women than a Cameron-Diaz-wannanbe skank from the States.
I love your website. I like how you don’t fool around with all that PC nonsense! You simply tell it like it is! British or American or whatever, feminism is alive and everywhere! Boy, I’m glad I didn’t go into teaching!
Hooorah Mr. Idaho (That’s what state I’m from!)