18 August 2005
Check out this wonderful piece of programming from the BBC:
Bring Your Husband to Heel (Documentary)
Time – 19:00 – 19:30 (30 minutes long)
Monday 22nd August on BBC 2
Top dog trainer Annie Clayton helps the desperate housewives of Britain to train their husbands for the better using dog training techniques. Over the series Annie will cover a variety of husband problems, including household slackers, computer addicts and some who are just plain useless.
Ah yes, just days after Michael Buerk complains about how shit broadcasting has become now that women are taking over, and how it’s aimed primarily at women, the BBC proves it with this misandrist tripe.
Here’s my own tips for “desperate housewives” who want to improve their husbands, with the added bonus that they don’t involve demeaning the poor guy in question:
How to take care of “household slackers”
First off ladies, remember that mowing the lawn, doing DIY and building the conservatory you demanded be built is housework, even though you don’t classify it as such. Also, hubby might do his share of housework if you, Mrs Desperate Housewife, do your share of the breadwinning! Go and grovel for your job back, the one you ditched after you bullied Mr Pissed Off Husband down the aisle so you could spend the rest of your life watching telly and shopping.
How to take care of “computer addicts”
This one is easy ladies. Wean your hubby off the computer by being more interesting than it! Go on, you can do it. Be more sexy than hardcore internet porn, more knowledgable than Wikipedia and more fun than Grand Theft Auto III. Can’t manage that? Try harder. Oh, and also try and emulate a computer by having an Off Switch.
Dealing with husbands who are just “plain useless”
This depends on a woman’s definition of “plain useless” of course. If your husband is unemployed, doesn’t do any housework, never bathes, communicates only in grunts, doesn’t want anything to do with the kids and has no hobbies except smelling his own farts and pawning your jewelry to spend on beer, then he is a useless git and you have my sympathy (although you shouldn’t have married such a loser in the first place, you stupid woman.)
However, if your husband works 50-hours a week, does all the DIY, does some housework even though you don’t do any breadwinning, would lay down his life to save you and the kids should a deranged psychopath break into the house at night, tells you you’ve not put on weight even though you have and manages an hour of bedroom gymnastics each night, but you still think he’s useless just because he can’t afford to take you on that luxury cruise to the Bahamas you’ve been demanding for years, then you are selfish, self-centred and have absurdly high-expectations. In that case, get your coat, fuck off and leave your poor husband alone you spoilt, over-demanding wench.
posted by Duncan Idaho @ 8:10 PM
At 4:08 AM, TestSubjectXP said…
Well put, especially the computer addicts part!