I am a sucker, in 500 words or less


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11 November 2005

Who Wants To Date My Daughter?

“That’s the question on the lips of Barnstaple mum Linda Adams. She can’t understand why her beautiful offspring, 24-year-old Sabina, is set to spend another Christmas without a man on her arm.”

To get a date with Sabina you have to write a 500-word essay on why you are good enough for her.

As well as being a modern Western Woman and therefore no doubt selfish and contemptuous of men, this Sabina has a 6-year-old illegitimate brat. So, how about she writes a 500-word essay on why she thinks she deserves some Knight In Shining Armour to come and rescue her from her crappy life living with her bastard son and her mother. In fact, “Barnstaple mum Linda Adams”, the brat your “independent” (read: will take but not give in a relationship) daughter whelped when she was not even out of school is probably why she can’t get a man. Understand?

What is this Sabina (wasn’t she a teenage witch?) looking for anyway?

“I’ve met nice guys before but it’s not easy to keep me entertained.”

Translation: she’s avoided nice guys before, which is why she got pregnant in her teens to some bad-boy, but now she wants a nice guy to support her. But if he doesn’t entertain her she’ll fuck some other bad-boy behind his back.

Sabina herself is training to be a “holistic therapist”, which is probably like a holistic detective, only not as well paid or as interesting. Basically, a holistic therapist is about as girly as a girly career could possibly be, with the possible exception of Professional Girl. And probably not highly paid either. Hence the need for a man and his salary.

It includes an address for any UK guys desperate enough keen to spend Christmas with this slut lady and her bastard offspring adorable child.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 9:39 PM
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At 2:11 PM, Slaytan said…

Ummm, Duncan… I need… I need a favor… I see you’re good with words and all, so, I’d like you to help me write that 500-word essay for Sabina, because I really long for this “independent woman” (muahahahahahah, yeah right, Sabina, you’re soooo independent), who “is not easy entertained”. What do you say?

OMFG, can you get more self-centered than this?!?!?!? Just when you think you’ve seen it all… along comes Sabina! OK, OK, this is definately far from being even remotely normal behaviour, WTF is she thinking?!?!?

I’ll tell you this though: I’m sure she’ll get tons of applicants, willing to deal with her BS baggage, just to get a piece of pussy. Those guys deserve whatever’ll come their way!

Because I’m kinda noticing, that parallel with the rise of women’s self-overprizing, is rise of men’s stupidity to put up with their shit.

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At 8:00 PM, HÃ¥kon Karsten Eide said…

“Independent”. Yeah right, with her living off of her mother and all, independent is certainly the right word. Sad.

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At 7:44 AM, TestSubjectXP said…

500 ego-stroking words. Wow.

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At 7:06 AM, Patriarchal Oppressor said…

Perhaps she meant 500 Euros…per ‘date’?

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