The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Nagging


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06 November 2005

beethoven1.jpg

It has been said by feminists that boys should be taught more “feminine” subjects at school, rather than useless and sexist male-orientated subjects (y’know, like physics, computer science, chemistry, etc, the ones that are vital to the progress of humanity.)

As if it wasn’t insulting enough that a bunch of childless vulva-sucking rat-bags dare suggest how other people raise their children, these feminists have often cited music as a “traditionally female” subject boys should learn.

Huh? You mean, males aren’t normally proficient at music? Are you saying, dear dikes, that females are the ones who have traditionally dominated the musical sphere of culture?

Well excuse me, rug-chompers, but if you weren’t too busy trying to shape other people’s sons into your own warped ideology and actually studied history (as opposed to “herstory”) you’ll find that us males aren’t quite as tone-deaf as one may think.

After all, how many female classical composers can you think of?

None. Not one. None of them were metrosexual fudge-packers either. They were real men. Just look at the picture of Beethoven up above. Does that look like a man who uses moisturizers, eats vegan quiches and talks about his feelings? No. That’s clearly a man who writes his symphonies whilst guzzling vast quantities of beer and occasionally scratching his balls for inspiration without giving a shit that his mother-in-law is in the same room. He looks like the kind of guy who would reach for his dueling pistol whilst growling homicidally should any fussy limp-wristed fag from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy dare to skip up to him and tell him his collar is too big.

As for contemporary music, that’s male dominated too, and even feminists have a hard time trying to put that down to some sort of sexist conspiracy, given that the popularity of bands is based on the buying public.

The biggest bands/singers of the 20th Century? The Beatles, Elvis, Radiohead, Metallica, Johnny Cash, Rolling Stones, Michael Jackson, U2, REM…you get the idea. All men.

The Britpop era of the mid-1990s was likewise male dominated; Oasis, Blur, Radiohead, The Verve. There was some band named Sleeper, fronted by a woman with the amusing name Louise Weiner (well, actually Louise Wener, but it’s pronounced Weiner) but they were crap and disbanded after releasing a few crappy songs from their crappy albums.

Women’s attempts to enter the heavy metal scene was doomed to failure too because they just can’t shout as loud as men. Some ladies tried to enter the Soft Rock scene, but sadly found that the main leaders of that genre, like Jon Bon Jovi and Def Leppard were more feminine than they were.

Sure, there are some female singers around, but they’re a bit, well, shit really.

The Spice Girls? Manufactured crap. Manufactured by men incidentally, to sell the concept of Girl Power to stupid teen girls with more money than sense. It worked too.

Mariah Carey? Sure, she’s sold a lot of albums, but that doesn’t really count because the only people who buy Mariah Carey albums are drooling lunatics who think that listening to what sounds like a rabid cat being sodomized by an elephant is somehow pleasant.

Madonna? Well, to quote Kenny from South Park:

Madonna is an old anorexic whore who wore out her welcome years ago, and that now she suddenly speaks with a British accent and she thinks she can play guitar she should go fuck herself.

Did someone say Celine Dione? No? Good.

bjork.jpg

Bjork? Well, I do quite like Bjork. Pretty good vocal talent, good punching-oriental-reporters skills, and she got her boobs out for some video a few years ago. Seriously though, I quite like a lot of her stuff.

But that’s about it. Women have made very little impact in the world of music, yet they – and in particular their feminist harpy leaders and womyn teachers – labour under the belief that music skills are somehow “feminine” and “not traditionally male orientated.”

If feminists want boys to be taught “traditionally female” subjects at school, then they should round the boys up and put them in lectures titled “Whining, Making Excuses For Failure And Pretending To Be A Victim For Beginners.”

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 1:47 AM
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At 11:30 AM, Slaytan said…

Duncan, this has to be one of the best posts I have ever seen! As a matter of fact, I just thought about this music stuff a couple of weeks ago, and seeing this stuff written here, is like as if you were reading my mind!

Reminds me of some post I saw somewhere a few weeks back, where this idiot was trying to convince people that women were really better guitarist than men, because STUDIES (cough cough) have shown that women’s fingers are more flexible or some BS like that. They are desperately desperate. Also stupid.

BTW:

“Just look at the picture of Beethoven up above. Does that look like a man who uses moisturizers, eats vegan quiches and talks about his feelings? No. That’s clearly a man who writes his symphonies whilst guzzling vast quantities of beer and occasionally scratching his balls for inspiration without giving a shit that his mother-in-law is in the same room.”

Now this is GOLD, gotta remember this one!

All in all – keep it up, man!

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At 12:54 AM, TestSubjectXP said…

This topic actually makes me kinda sad because with electronic composition tools and recording equipment becoming affordable for hobbyists, the age of the composer is returning, but I know barely a handful of good female songwriters. 😦

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At 2:22 AM, CaptDMO said…

Well, there’s Wendy Carlos, but does that really count?

Perhaps the idea that the most successful compositions are complex emotions of a graand scale expressed with the clarity of math is worth a thought?

But that’s just me!
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At 8:49 AM, Slaytan said…

Test, why does that make you sad? Why does it matter if there are only few good female songwritters? Why is that so saddening? If a song is good, I really don’t give a damn, if the composer has/had a vagina or not, I just enjoy it.

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At 9:23 AM, TestSubjectXP said…

Remember that I compose my own music. So I have an interest in who I might be writing it with. I know this might be a bit mushy for this site but I would have the most marvelous gem in the world if I could find a woman I enjoyed writing music with. But finding a girl like that is like searching for a straight pin in a haystack the size of my back yard.

I used to have a page on soundclick.com. There was this girl, Rachael Jenner, that came to my page and told me one of my songs really inspired her to write a song. I went to her page and checked out her stuff. One of her songs reminded me of the music from a video game I really like, and we just bounced off each other like that.

It’d be a pleasure if there were more girls I could do that with.

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At 12:56 PM, Anonymous said…

Good punchy article – but I think I would have left Michael Jackson out of the argument

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At 8:52 PM, Duncan Idaho said…

Yeah, but Michael Jackson was at least born male. What he is now is anyone’s guess.

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At 4:53 PM, nigeles175d said…

Well, relations to a couple of famous male composers come to mind (i.e. the women were taught by the men) – Clara Schumann and Fanny Mendelsohn, and more lately Imogen Holst. None of them, or any of the others can be considered “great” in any manner.

Oh, to inform the person who (deliberately?) mentioned WENDY Carlos. Well, she (?) was born a man (Walter Carlos) and had a sex-change. HIS first recordings including the first “classical” recording to go platinum “Switched on Bach), were as a male. After his sex-change to a woman, she has never produced anything remarkable since.
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