“I do not live in a world of sobriety.”


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03 December 2005

oliver.jpg

The wisdom of actor and hell-raiser Oliver Reed:

“Because you sign a piece of paper and say “for better or worse” and you stand up in front of God and vow that you will remain faithful to the exclusion of every other woman for the rest of your life doesn’t mean you can do it. I can’t believe that it’s possible to be sure that you’ll live up to that vow. I might get drunk one day and fall in love or fall over a hooker outside, and I would have consummated a relationship that I couldn’t necessarily believe in.”

“American men like their women to have these special teeth and be perfectly coiffured and have amazing breasts. Have you seen an Italian mama with those kind of teeth, that kind of hair and that kind of waist? They’re not like that. They’re in the kitchen cooking for their families–doing what they should do.”

“I believe that my woman shouldn’t work outside the home. When I come home and I’m tired from filming all day, I expect her to be there and make sure that everything is cool for me. You know, like drawing my bath and helping me into bed. That’s the kind of job she’ll have and, in return for it, she can bear my children and if any man talks bad to her, I’ll hit him.”

He was once physically dragged off the set of a live television programme after turning up smashed out of his skull on vodka and then trying to grope and snog miserable feminist bitch Kate Millett for no other reason than to annoy the hell out of her. Which he did.

On the afternoon of 2 May 1999, then aged 61, Oliver Reed popped into a bar where he proceeded to guzzle down three bottles of Jamaican rum, eight bottles of strong German beer and several double whiskeys, whilst also finding the time to beat a group of young soldiers in an arm-wrestling contest. Then he toppled over dead from a heart attack, leaving someone else to pick up the £450 bar tab.

Now that’s a real man.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 7:27 PM
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At 9:02 PM, Slaytan said…

Haha, I would really like to see that Kate Millett incident.
No wonder he had to be drunk though – no man would dare to do that sober 🙂

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At 9:18 PM, rafael699 said…

He may have been pickled in alcohol most of his life, but he had women figured out…

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At 9:32 PM, Duncan Idaho said…

I recall some of the Kate Millett incident. It was quite a while ago.

It was a late-night chat show on Channel 4; basically a bunch of intellectual liberal twats sitting around talking rubbish. They must have asked Reed on just in the hope of patronizing him or something.

Millett was sitting on a sofa looking very sour-faced when Reed turned up late, staggering around and totally drunk. He clambered onto the sofa Millett was sitting on from behind, draping himself across the back of it before falling onto Millett, who looked disgusted as Reed then tried to snog her. The host demanded he leave. He refused and got hauled away by some security guys.

I tried to find a clip of it on the internet, but sadly no luck.

He was great in television interviews. On one chat-show he was asked about his dyslexia, and for some bizarre reason Reed – naturally drunk at the time – pulled his trousers down to his ankles then proceeded to leap around the studio, for reasons known only to himself.

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At 10:49 PM, Slaytan said…

Haha, Duncan, thanks for the detailed description. I’m looking for a clip myself. If I somehow manage to find it, I’ll let you know.

Here are some of his other immortal quotes:

“I also use women as a sex object; maybe I’m kinky. However, I like to talk to them as well.”

“I have made many serious statements – I just can’t remember any of them. I guess they mustn’t have been very important.” (my fav LOL)

“I wouldn’t like to see a chick of mine taking her clothes off and kissing a fellow on screen. And my girls must get very hurt when they see me doing it.”

“Raquel has never forgiven me for preferring her hairdresser to her.”

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