Empowered Womyn Plc.


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15 January 2006

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Recently (i.e. for the last half-a-century) feminists have been shrieking and whining about how women are having such a terrible time in the workplace, what with all those evil patriarchal rules like having to work full-time if you want a full-time wage, or having to get a promotion through ability and not just having a vagina.

So my brain, which is the size of a planet, has come up with the following solution for women to prove how brilliant they are at running companies whilst giving poor oppressed working women all those rights they so petulantly demand desperately need.

A woman can obtain a business loan to set up a company (let’s call it Gynosoft Ltd) and hire only women (this is acceptable because section 99, paragraph 9.9 of the Sexual Discrimination Act (1977) says “All of the above doesn’t apply to men, they’re on their own. Fuck ’em. Bastard rapists!“) We don’t want anyone doing their backs in, getting caught in the rain or breaking nails, so this business will be doing something that involves being indoors where it’s nice and warm.

Then, Gynosoft Ltd gives all the following rights to it’s empowered women employees:

  1. Twelve-months maternity leave on full pay
  2. Paid leave when children are ill
  3. Working hours 10AM – 3PM so the school-run can be met
  4. Free (i.e. paid by the company) supervised creche for any kids employees want to bring to work
  5. No penalties (like loss of promotion chances) for those taking massively long career breaks
  6. No overtime after dark to avoid employees having to walk to their car in the scary dark, and no overtime at weekends so no-one is kept away from their families

Perhaps there can be a few other informal rules, such as promotions not going to those who are most productive but to those who will make the most fuss if they are not given a promotion.

Obviously, to make it fair, this company shall not receive any government funding because these are Empowered Womyn who do not need help.

Of course, Gynosoft would go bust in a month.

Facetiousness aside, if a large company was full of just women and gave them all the rights they have – let alone those they demand – it would go bankrupt. Clients do not want to find that the individual they normally deal with is simply not there and that no-one else can help, or that their service/product is unavailable because key people are on career breaks or their kid is ill so they’ve taken the day off too. Plus providing all these subsidised rights in this hypothetical feminist utopia of a company would mean they would either have to raise their prices far above the competition, or accept a loss. Either way, it’s bankruptcy within a month. Assuming a lender would even grant a loan to such an absurd company in the first place.

This is why feminists want men to remain in the workplace and why, whilst they push women into the workplace, they panic when men drop out of it. They need men there to subsidise all this crap for women. They want us to pay for it all. At my workplace, which has about forty staff, there are four women on maternity leave at the moment, including two senior ones. I estimate that their maternity pay collectively totals £7,000 a month. So that’s £7,000 of money going out of the company that isn’t coming in, because the people being paid aren’t fucking there. This has to be covered by someone; other workers, like me. Then there’s some single-mother who whelped a bastard last year (the father, an illegal immigrant and convicted mugger, has long since ditched her and cleared off back to his home country) and now comes in an hour later and goes home an hour earlier to drop off and pick up the kid from daycare. For the two-hours a day she’s not around I have to take her phone calls and do any of her work that’s urgent.

Feminists say they don’t need men, but in fact they do, to subsidise all their socialist dreams of privilege in every part of society. As men avoid marriage and co-habiting, stop bothering with feminized education, do their own thing rather than tire themselves in the rat-race and even emigrate, feminists are going to find that the bottomless well of labour and money men provide is going to dry up. They’ll be on their own, something that – although they will never admit it because it runs against their protestations of independence – they cannot stand because they know they will be ruined.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 9:09 PM

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