Pointless personnel managers


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08 December 2005

Human resources is a female dominated field.

My theory is that they like human resources because it gives them a good chance to play at career chick without having to actually do anything; like produce things, make products, meet clients, sell stuff, etc. Instead they can indulge in petty administration and boss people about and get paid for it and have a stupid fucking job title. Also, it lets them indulge in gossip learning other people’s secrets. They can learn of the complaints one colleague is making about another for example, then spread the gossip.

Significant numbers seem to be feminists too. There are no real qualifications you need for Human Resources, and there are no real jobs that require a degree in Women’s Studies or some other vague, pointless Humanities subject that women seem to love. So the women who do these courses often drift into Human Resources. I remember one bitch at school, a fat little man-hater who was only 15 when she was sneering that men are no longer necessary “now we have artificial insemination.” Apparently she is now chief of personnel and recruitment for a large firm of solicitors. Thus, these femtard bitches, with their belief that women are great and men are useless, and their conviction that women need to be given lots of leg-ups and help, will be able to put this into practice and concentrate on hiring women only.

Like most jobs dominated by women (the main exception being nursing), Human Resources is largely irrelevant. At a place I used to work at there were 35 staff but we had no-one in charge of personnel. Some guy did take care of dealing with holidays and the accountant obviously did the wages, but otherwise no-one was needed full-time to deal with Human Resources shit. If you had a problem or wanted a pay-rise, you grabbed the Managing Director when he wasn’t busy and had a chat. I once asked him for a pay-rise because I’d not had one in two-years, and he just said “Oh, sure…er…you can have an extra £1,000 on your salary, how is that?” I said it was fine, thankyouvermuch. “I’ll let the accountant know,” the MD said as he hurried off back to his desk. Sorted. We didn’t need no stinkin’ pay reviews, appraisals or meetings and such shit.

At my current place, with about 50 staff, there are three women in the Human Resources Department, dealing with general administration as well as staff. They are pretty much pointless. Only one is needed, if that. All they seem to do is send round pointless e-mails asking if anyone needs stationary or about how we need to be extra careful because there is some new computer virus going around. One actually sent that infamous chain e-mail about how Bill Gates is going to give you $250 if you send the e-mail to a million fucking people! Then there’s organizing arranging the Christmas Party, which seems to take a month and billions of e-mails to arrange.

Another important task of there’s is to patronize people. With the exception of directors, nearly everyone has to have some stupid Career Advancement folder, full of reports and lists of your own ‘personal goals’. You get regular appraisals with the trio of ladies, discussing how things are going, what your goals are, what you like most about the job, blah blah blah. How fucking sad is that! I’m fucking 30 yet I’ve got this stupid folder full of appraisals and reports like I was some schoolkid. Jeez!

Human Resources? More like Huwomyn Resources.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 6:15 PM
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At 8:29 PM, Anonymous said…

I hate those “goal” lists. In some jobs you are working so hard just to keep up that your goal is simply just to maintain your sanity. Taking time away from a hectic schedule to prattle on about your goals within the company seems a huge waste of time.

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At 8:54 PM, Duncan Idaho said…

I hate the question “What do you like most about your job” when it comes up in appraisals. They ask it with a straight face, as if anyone is going to enjoy any aspect of a job apart from getting paid and going home.

I suppose I could reply “Surfing anti-feminist sites on the internet when I should be working” but I’d best not.

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At 4:01 AM, acolyte said…

There are times I want to say that it’s getting my paycheck at the end of the month or going home at the end of the day. Don’t most of these ppl get the fact that if most of us liked our jobs we wouldn’t be doing what we are doing at the moment but we do so coz we have rent, bills, cars etc! HRM is indeed a load of cack when you look at it that way.
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