25 February 2006
As I lay on the bathroom floor, clutching my stomach, the tears rolling down my cheeks like torrents, all I could feel was a gaping, infinite sense of loss. Yet I was not at some funeral of a loved one, I was at a child’s fourth birthday party, and I was the only woman there without a baby.
I never planned on being 39 and childless but somehow, here I was, a few months shy of my 40th birthday and all I was clutching was a Prada handbag.
Lap it up dear. You wanted a career instead of a family, now you’ve got it.
An important clue can be found back in the late 1970s when I was in my teens. I was part of the generation of schoolgirls who, instead of being propelled towards childbirth by cultural and religious expectations, could balance motherhood against a career and good times. The result is that my childless contemporaries and I are the fallout generation from the sexual revolution, the real-life Bridget Jones’s who spend their evenings getting drunk instead of reading bedtime stories.
We were told we could have it all, but in reality we were sold a pipe dream. The reality is that we forgot that we are helpless in the face of our biological clocks. And now it is simply too late for a lot of us.
Yes, you were sold a pipe dream, and you bought it.
The thing is, young women continue to buy into it. Schools and colleges are full of girls who have their sights set on their careers and offices are full of women who brush aside ideas of motherhood in favour of promotions and fancy job titles. Until it’s too late.
As long as twisted feminists are around spouting their bile into the public forum without anyone daring to criticise them, and as long as feminist teachers infest schools, then there will be an endless supply of childless spinsters…until the population dies out anyway.
The very act of having and rearing children was seen as counterintuitive; boring and inconsequential at best, ruinous to any self-development at worst. My friends and I embraced the feminist ideology that was going to give us a life of glittering prizes.
And it all went wrong? Oh dear. Well, some men did try to warn women about this but the merest suggestion females should perhaps consider being a housewife and mother would get them accused of being a sexist chauvinistic pig. So us men just kept our mouths shut and waited for reality to sneak up and bite women’s bottoms. Gnash gnash!
As desperate as I am for a child, single motherhood is also not an option. I have seen friends go through it and it is brutally hard. The loneliness of raising a child alone is too much.
Although it’s nice she doesn’t want to be a Single Mother By Choice, this decision only seems to be based on how hard it would be for her, rather than the effect illegitimacy would have on the child.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m not blaming anyone else and I certainly don’t expect any sympathy. I realise now that you get out of life what you put into it.
Fair enough. It would be nice if more women would accept their own life choices rather than complaining constantly about how it’s all men’s fault for being “afraid of committment”, or that it’s all men’s fault because women have biological clocks, or that it’s all men’s fault because everything is our fault these days. However, she’s not exactly accepting all the blame; she’s insisting she was ‘duped’ by feminism when there have been a significant number of women who had the intelligence and foresight to ignore the empty promises and diseased ravings of feminism and instead followed their own desires and instincts.
Such as this woman for example, who left a comment about the above article:
Perhaps we need to look at what we deem ‘self-development?’ After college I married at barely 23 and had my first child at 25. Yes, I mourn the loss of a career at times, but I’ve continued to grow. I’ve lived in 3 countries on 2 continents, raised 3 bilingual kids, constantly reinventing myself to adjust to my new situation. And I am still just 2 months shy of my 40th birthday. I have been harangued for choosing ‘to tie myself down’ at such a young age, but I’m glad I didn’t fall for the ‘have-it-all’ myth in my 20’s. My advice- Don’t do as others do, always paddle your own canoe!
– Jane, Seattle, USA
posted by Duncan Idaho @ 9:31 AM
At 11:19 PM, MarkyMark said…
This is a good article. It is indeed refreshing to see a woman take RESPONSIBILITY for her life choices, rather than blame men as is normally the case. However, I must take issue with you on one thing: her not accepting all the blame, because she said she was duped by feminism.
Feminism dominates all facets of modern life. It’s all over the media; how many TV shows and movies have feminist influence these days? It’s all over the schools; most teachers, particularly at the lower levels, are female-females INDOCTRINATED with feminist ideology. It’s all over the workplace.
Hitler once said if you tell a big enough lie long enough, it becomes fact. Mark Twain once said that a lie can be clear across the country (referring to the Continental US) before the truth gets its boots on. Furthermore, the lies (propaganda, spin control, etc.) are presented in a much more sophisticated way; it’s so advanced that, if Josef Goebbels, Hitler’s propaganda minister, were alive today, he’d be the student, not the professor; he’d be a rank amatuer if he were alive today.
Therefore, I forgive the woman for being duped. The messages everyone gets about the PC orthodoxy are everywhere. Even with the Internet, even with alternative voices, most don’t know that these voices exist, let alone how to find them. Also remember that this woman, if she’s in her 40s, didn’t GROW UP with any alternative media. If in Britain, she grew up with the BBC, and that’s it; if she were in America, she grew up with the three networks: ABC, CBS, and NBC, and that was ALL there was for information. The networks were spouting PC bullshit when there was no voice challenging them. It’s GIGO at work, only on a human level. If a person lacks good information, they cannot make good decisions.