How to fix your husband


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05 June 2006

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The Times used to be a prestigious and respectable newspaper, but nowadays it’s becoming as dumbed down and as feminized (two things that go hand in hand) like virtually every other media outlet.

Check out this pitiful article that would be more at home in Cosmopolitan or Chat:

Fix a faulty husband

Five years ago Julie Bell and Donna Brown had both had enough of their marriages. Their husbands, Phillip and Dave, were jobless and useless, loafing miserably around the house all day, drinking too much and rarely addressing a civil word to their wives or kids. Meanwhile, Julie and Donna, who are both United Airlines executives in Chicago but at that time scarcely knew each other, were climbing the corporate ladder, working 60-hour weeks.

Now to be fair, if this is true, I can perhaps have some sympathy. But then again, I don’t. How many women are proud to be crap wives, are actually boastful that they don’t work but don’t do any housework either, but just treat their husband like a doormat? Why should us guys try to be good husbands when so few women want to be good wives? Hell, these women sound like crap wives; aggressive, spiteful, domineering harpies.

Besides, a husband who does nothing whilst his wife is both the breadwinner and does all the housework is a tiny tiny fraction of marriages, so tiny as to be completely bizarre, at least outside of sitcoms anyway. I don’t know any women at all who are the primary breadwinner, and not one who is the sole breadwinner. Likewise there are many women who either work part-time or not at all but who do very little housework (“Because that’s sexist, it’s not the 19th Century you chauvanist pig, Gawd!”), either leaving at least half for their hardworking husband or just having hubby pay for a maid.

So why is it okay for women to bitch about having to work whilst their spouse lazes around the house, yet men can’t? Or, to put it more briefly, why can women complain about how shit their husbands are yet men can’t complain about how shit their wives are?

A phrase I’ve heard knocking about for married stay-at-home women is not “housewife” but “a lady of leisure.” It’s accurate too. There are a number of women – those who can find a husband these days anyway – who do nothing. A friend of mine has a sister like that. She quit work after getting married, and she doesn’t have any kids to look after, she doesn’t do housework, she just indulges in her hobbies, mostly shopping or lunching with other ladies of leisure.

“One day I decided I couldn’t go on like this any more, so I kicked Phillip out of the house,” says Julie, now 32. Unbeknown to her, Donna, 42, had reached a similar crisis point in her marriage and booted out her husband too.

You see, if the divorce laws were actually fair, men could do this; decide their wife is lazy, unappreciative and does fuck all, and so could kick her out the house. Hell, men would do this. In their tens of thousands. There are countless men who clearly put up with annoying wives who make them miserable simply because they can’t kick their wife out the house. This is the thing; if a woman stays at home then, in the event of a seperation or divorce, her husband has to leave home. The house is viewed as his wife’s because she spends all her time their. It’s “her” domain. Yet if a man stays at home, in the event of seperation or divorce, he still has to leave the house because it’s “her’s”; she pays the mortgage. Either way, guys, you’re screwed if you so much as let a woman into your home, let alone marry her. Anything goes tits up, you’re out.

All this comes down to is a load of self-satisfied demanding entitlement whores who insist on changing men into something they like better. These sort of women – modern Western ones – don’t view us as human beings. They say so too:

So why marry someone who needs fixing in the first place? Why not just find a man you really want to be with? “Impossible,” declares Julie. “It’s no different from buying a house.

See guys? According to this bitch, we’re just like houses. In fact, she’s got a point when it comes to comparing women getting married being like “buying a house.” Yeah, marry the guy, give it a year or two, divorce him, hey presto! A house for her. But no mortgage payments though, that’s up to the ex-husband.

Both women insist that both they and their husbands are much happier now. “This is a win-win for our guys,” says Julie. “My husband watches a lot more football and gets a lot more sex since we’ve been through this process.

This a very revealing quote. In her own words, sex is clearly just a reward mechanism. It used to be the case that a guy married for sex; now, you marry to have sex rationed out depending on whether you’ve been a good boy or not. These days, as everyone knows, remaining unmarried gets you more sex, with lots of different women. And unlike wives, you can ditch casual pick-ups easily enough and still be banging 21-year-olds when you’re in your forties or fifties, whilst married men of that age are having to bang some sagging middle-aged woman. When they’ve been good boys of course.

Also, here’s another stunning revelation. Bachelors watch a lot more football too! Best of all, we don’t have to do our chores and lavish attention and praise on Her Royal Highness and Her Almighty Cunt-Owning-Abilites. Well, I say ‘we’, I don’t really watch football, but that’s not the point. Bachelors can do what we want. These married guys have to stay in line to do what they want, and are kicked out the house if they don’t obey their wife. Unless they grow some balls and tell her to fuck off and make a sandwich, in which case he’ll be kicked out the house and arrested for domestic violence.

Also, despite their claim of how blitheringly happy their husbands are, in the penultimate paragraph of the main article one guy is clearly humiliated about the whole thing.

Donna and Julie say that the change was not unilateral. They too had to stop behaving like the “entitled, critical, nagging, angry people we were at home” and more like the “positive, direct, honest, polite and considerate people we were at work”.

These may sound good in principle but it’s obvious these bitches are entitled, critical, nagging and angry people; they’re just disguising the fact that they are by the cunning ploy of saying that they’re not. I mean, seriously, can you find one single aspect of these women’s demands that doesn’t smack of entitlement or endless criticism? Or any single thing that is in any way considerate? These women are just smarmy odious bitches, plain and simple.

There’s a lot to rip into here, but this is the most pathetic pile of nonsense, the checklist of things for men to follow in order to be good husbands. Pathetically – especially the bit that advises us to be financially responsible! – it all should either apply to women or it applies female solutions (e.g. therapy, medication) to problems us men can cope with fine on our own. This list seems to have fallen from some alternate dimension, one that must resemble sitcoms and adverts where men are pathetic losers and women are all ultra-strong and all-knowing.

1. Become My Friend: Express what you are thinking and feeling; don’t make unilateral decisions.

We DO express what we’re thinking and feeling. It’s you women who beat around the bush, drop hints, say what you don’t mean and wonder why we don’t have a clue what you want. Besides, how can you be friends with modern women? Most regard us with either apathy or contempt, unless they want something from us. Often they regard us with contempt even when they do want something from us.

2. Become Self-sufficient: Don’t make your partner do everything for you; book your own doctor’s appointments.

Oh, we are self-sufficient. Very self-sufficient indeed. Thankyouverymuch. I mean, do you see us whining about being single? Maybe women should be self-sufficient. You know, they could give up that Child Support, spousal support, alimony, a job-market rigged in your favour, etc etc.

3. Become Productive: Identify your interests; don’t bounce from one bad job to another; have a career plan.

What? Erm…sorry, is this advice for men? Because you’ll find most guys are productive, do have interests and a career plan. It’s women who often don’t have interests, unless you count interests as “watching telly and shopping”, and it’s women who rarely have a career plan that differs from “work until 30, marry, quit job, sit on arse watching daytime TV.”

4. Become an Involved Father: Talk to and play with your children every day; review homework, pack lunches; volunteer at school functions.

That’s quite hard when we’re working 40 to 60 hours a week. Just because the two bitches in this article are the ones doing that doesn’t make it the norm. Invariably it is the guy working every waking hour whilst his wife has plenty of time to spend with the children. Or, more accurately, “her” children, as they are regarded as, especially when it comes to a divorce.

5. Become a Believer in Ritual: Treat Christmas, Hallowe’en, Easter as important family times; help to plan birthday parties, wrap presents, choose costumes, participate in games, etc.

Yeah right. Imagine these guys trying to plan birthday parties or choose costumes for their kids. The wives will barge in, shriek at them for doing everything wrong and undo all their work.

6. Become My Lover: Get marriage counselling; dress to impress; plan special date nights; pay attention to your partner.

In other words; “worship me just because I have a vagina! Don’t expect anything in return, I’m an independent empowered womyn!!!11 But worship meeeee!” Shove marriage counselling to. Every guy says it’s nothing but a way for some feminist or mangina with some poxy Psychology “Degree” from a degree-mill to agree with the wife’s endless complaints.

7. Become a Domestic God: Help with the grocery shopping, meal planning, cooking, share in house-cleaning chores, participate in home-decorating decisions.

No. That’s your job. We’ll only do that if you, ladies, become the sole breadwinner. However, if you want us to work AND do housework, then we might as well do that and stay single. That way we don’t have to put up with this sort of pathetic demanding rubbish.

8. Become Fiscally Responsible: Share responsibility for paying bills; set priorities and help to manage financial obligations; discuss spending with your partner and establish financial goals and savings together.

Chuckle, snigger. Once again, is this for real? Is they sure this is advice from women to men and not the other way round? What a joke! I mean, maybe I live in some sort of alternate dimension, but it seems to me that shopping malls are flooded with women. If I take a day off during office hours it’s just women, women, women everywhere you look around the shops, nearly all of which are aimed at them anyway. In contrast the men are slaving away in offices in factories. Seriously, what sort of planet do these two bitches live on? It’s women who endlessly spend, consume and wrack up massive debts, using men’s money wherever possible. I look around me and all I see are single women with enormous debts and nothing to show for it but a wardrobe full of expensive designer crap, and I see single men who buy modest clothes so they can afford to save, invest or get on the property ladder.

Besides, this sounds like they’re trying to stop men from spending their wives money. Isn’t that domestic abuse? Oh wait, that’s only when a woman is hampered in her quest to spend her husband’s money.

9. Become the Man You Want to Be: Be honest with yourself; stop blaming others for your unhappiness; re-evaluate your spiritual/religious life; don’t self- medicate; exercise more; get into therapy and stay with it; confront issues; get appropriate medication for depression or anxiety if necessary.

This paragraph is, without doubt, the most patronising and offensive pile of steaming shit I’ve ever heard come from a woman. And that’s saying something.

For starters, become the man you want to be? Quite simply, any man who doesn’t become the man he wants to be unless a woman gives him advice or permission to do so is no man at all. As for me, I want to be free, single and without the headache of being lumbered to some woman. And I’ve achieved it. Hooray for me!

Be honest with ourselves? Please. We’re men, we are honest with ourselves. Not like women, who hide their own ugliness, both physical ugliness and otherwise, with make-up or self-deluded crap like feminism or, indeed, this very article.

We don’t blame others either. You don’t hear us saying we’re only single because members of the opposite sex are “scared of commitment” or because “they’re intimidated by me.”

As for spiritual and religious re-evaluations, there’s no way I’m taking advice on such profound matters from anyone as shallow and as childish as a modern western woman.

“Don’t self-medicate.” What? When do you see men do that? It’s women who self-medicate, either through comfort eating or popping Prozac.

“Exercise more.” Don’t tell me what to do. Why don’t you exercise, tubby?

“Get into therapy.” Bwhahaha! Sorry ladies, we’re men, when we have problems we deal with them. We don’t spend a fortune on some tosspot who’ll charge us £100 an hour to listen to our problems.

“Confront issues.” We do. We’re men.

The last one about getting medication “for depression or anxiety” is a joke too. It’s well known it is women who are the main consumers of all sorts of pills for depression and anxiety. Us men cope with it, or we go out and get drunk, go hunting, chop wood or write up rant-filled blogs. You women can stick with your fucking medication you miserable losers.

This whole nonsense simply perpetuates the silly fantasy women have that, despite all the evidence (e.g. they’re the ones desperate for marriage and husbands whilst us guys avoid marriage and live it up as a bachelors) women are somehow doing us men a favour by marrying us, that we somehow need them or we’ll starve or drown in our filth or some such rubbish. This crappy article is really aimed at single career women, so they can think of how pathetic us men are, how all us bachelors out there are dying for a woman to take care of us.

It sure beats facing up to reality that, in fact, us bachelors are coping very well on our own, and we sure as hell aren’t willing to sacrifice such happiness to take care of some useless, depressed, pill-popping, debt-ridden misandrist spinster.

Finally, my advice to the unfortunate guys married to these hags is to claim they’re not going to get a job simply because “it’s sexist and old fashioned to expect a man to go out and work.” These guys can then claim to be “traditional and old fashioned” in expecting their wives to do housework. After all, women justify not doing housework by saying that that’s “sexist and old fashioned” and then claim to be “traditional and old fashioned” in expecting hubby to go out and work to provide for them. Beat them at their own game of double-standards.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 5:57 PM
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At 1:18 PM, Anonymous said…

Yeah, I learned my lesson. Once burned … but I thought this story was hysterical because men LEARN from their mistakes, women NEVER do. Now I just use them for sex and chuck them the second they get demanding or whiny or controlling.

And I am so much happier.
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