The terrible suffering of pampered brides


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06 August 2006

bridezilla.jpg

Bridezillas fall to earth with the blues

The vogue for ever more expensive and elaborate ceremonies appears to be creating a generation of brides-in-therapy who never recover from the loss of attention that accompanied their wedding planning.

Oh dear, it seems the poor bedraggled Princesses of the West have found another thing to be depressed about; having to realise that not every day of their married lives will be packed full of the luxury and pampering of their wedding and honeymoon.

Or, to use it’s term, Post Wedding Depression. After all, there’s no point in women finding another reason to moan if they don’t have a nice official-sounding name for it to distinguish it from all the other things they moan about.

Thinking about it, if Post Natal Depression is so frequently used by women to justify killing babies, no doubt Post Wedding Depression will soon be used to justify killing a husband. Then again they rarely get locked up for that as it is anyway.

According to statistics released last month by The Wedding Report, a US industry research group, Americans will spend £32.8 billion on almost 2.5m weddings this year, at an average cost of £14,400 per wedding. In more than three-quarters, the bride and groom will pay part of the costs.

Fucking hell! What a waste of money. It doesn’t list the average price of British weddings, but I did hear someone once say their sister’s wedding and reception cost £4,000 and most people seemed to agree this was quite a low figure (the men were mildly impressed at such an affordable wedding; the women, naturally, sneered at it’s cheapness.)

Many would-be brides turn into so-called Bridezillas — demanding monsters who howl with rage whenever their plans for lavender tablecloths are thwarted.

Yet once the honeymoon is over, Bridezillas often get the sniffles. “You spend at least a year micro-focusing on one day, a day that is supposed to be the ‘happiest, most wonderful’ day of your life,” noted a contributor to Brides.com, a leading weddings website.

Here’s an idea then; have a cheap wedding with just a handful of guests, then a reception consisting of cheese-and-pickle sandwiches at the local pub followed by a two-night honeymoon in Blackpool. That way women won’t have to “come down to Earth” afterwards. Oh wait, they’d get the sniffles before the wedding instead because it wouldn’t be “romantic” (i.e. expensive) enough.

If the chatrooms are any guide, husbands are rarely useful in helping their new wives to adjust, prompting one bride to suggest that the best solution was to dump the first husband and have another wedding.

That’s what plenty seem to do.

Note that these pampered ladies say that husbands should help women with the anti-climax after a big glamorous wedding, presumably by ensuring she’s the centre of attention and completely pampered every day for the rest of her life. Or until she dumps him.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 4:09 PM
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At 6:24 PM, Captain Zarmband said…

Just more female attention seeking. Is there no end to this codswallop? Here’s a solution ladies….don’t get married.

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At 7:00 PM, nevo said…

All this attention seeking will, in due course, come to an end.
Just read this from the New York times:
Comfortable Being Alone

Mr. Ryan, who grew up without a father, learned how to be alone. A new girlfriend came along, but he was unwilling to let her move in as much as a toothbrush. They broke up. He went to a community college and got an associate’s degree in electronics. He renovated the basement. He built a soundproof recording room. He learned to enjoy the silence and the ability to be as fastidious at home as he pleased.

When he walks in the front door after a weekend trip or a run or a bike ride, he often puts a commemorative baseball cap on his coat rack, and now, about three dozen hats cover the rack, with no apparent space for a purse or a diaper bag.

“Later in life, will I miss the fact that I don’t have a little son or daughter around?” Mr. Ryan asked. “I probably will. But it’s not totally out of the question.”

For every man who fits into one of the categories of unmarried men put forth by social scientists — men who cannot commit, men who are afraid of divorce, men who have been forced to the edges of the economy — there is a man like Chris Cunningham of Staten Island.

Mr. Cunningham, 41, a sanitation worker, seems to defy any theory about why he is single. He has, he said, simply not met the right woman.

Born and raised in Brooklyn, and now assigned to an office job in Manhattan with the Department of Sanitation, Mr. Cunningham said he was undeterred by his parents’ divorce and was ready for marriage, having just ended a decade-long relationship going nowhere.

Or this one:
Pool of Potential Mates Shrinks

A quarter-century ago, when fewer women went to college, there was a plentiful supply of potential mates for men who had only a high school diploma. Even men who dropped out of high school could get blue-collar jobs paying decent wages and could expect to find, and support, a wife.

As women started climbing the educational ladder, first equaling and then surpassing men in college attendance and graduation rates, the pool of potential partners shrank.

At the same time, broad changes in the roles of men and women upended the traditional marriage contract in which the husband provided a paycheck in return for the wife’s housework and child care.

First, as more women joined the work force, they became less dependent on men’s earnings. More than 70 percent of women ages 25 to 54 are working today, up from about half of such women 30 years ago.

While women were gaining economic independence, wages were slumping in the blue-collar jobs that in the past allowed less-educated men to support a family. Women, largely employed in service industries more resilient than manufacturing, fared better.

Between 1979 and 2003, the earnings of men with a few years of college but no degree barely kept up with inflation, while those for women rose by 20 percent in real terms. For high school graduates with no college experience, men’s earnings declined 8 percent over the period, while women’s advanced 12 percent.

“In the past guys could drop out of school after finishing high school, or even without finishing, and go into a factory and get a steady job with benefits,” said Valerie K. Oppenheimer, professor emeritus of sociology at the University of California, Los Angeles. “But there has been a deterioration in young men’s economic position, and women are hesitant to marry a man who is likely to be an economic dependent.”

Yes my friends. This is man’s future. There will be a lot of happy lonelyness among men and woman.
You’d better get used to it.

NEVO

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At 7:03 PM, nevo said…

Here is the link.

A long read but worth the while.

NEVO

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At 8:48 PM, Phoenix said…

And men that do make money usually don’t want to get married either. What with the way divorce laws, and laws in general are set up, there is absolutely no benefit to marrying these days. Actually, there’s very little benefit to dealing with women period. I’m glad articles like this, and blogs like this are now in existence.

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At 10:14 PM, Anonymous said…

Hey Guys check this out

YASMIN’S not getting married.

Network Ten has left the would-be bride at the altar, canning its latest reality TV installment, Yasmin’s Getting Married, after just one week.

The show – playing cupid to find a young woman a husband – was dumped yesterday after a pitiful ratings debut.

………………………

“I’m sick of Mr Wrong! I’m throwing down the gauntlet … to find me Mr Right,” Yasmin, a 29-year-old business woman, said when the show was launched.

“My ring finger has been bare for too long.”

Yasmin will now have to resort to conventional matchmaking tactics to find a man.

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At 11:38 PM, Anonymous said…

One of the many things I don’t ‘get’ about society at large is this demand for outrageously ostentatious, tacky weddings. Taking everything into account, for example, my cousin’s cost fifteen thousand pounds. I was out of the country at the time but I saw the photos and it looked unbelievably vulgar – peach acrylic tablecloths and all. And they couldn’t be described as thick or shallow folk otherwise.

If I ever get married, and from this seat it seems astronomically unlikely, it will be in the open air, maybe on the fells, with no more in attendance than are needed to witness. Now to find a bird who’s not so pathetically shallow that will be a problem. Tall order.

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At 11:48 PM, KellyMac said…

Duncan,

We have a tv reality show here called “Bridezillas”. It’s en vogue right now for brides to be as nasty as possible apparently. I understand they’re coming out with one about bridesmaidzillas this year, so we can see how nasty they are.

There’s also a show called “My Sweet Sixteen” (or something to that effect), about girls’ 16th birthday parties and what they require to make them as special as the girls are (/sarcasm). Some of those parties cost as much as a wedding.

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At 11:58 PM, MarkyMark said…

Guys,

It was seeing an episode or two of ‘Bridezillas’ (seen on the ‘We’ channel here in the USA; ‘We’ stands for ‘womens entertainment’) several years ago that helped me unplug from the feminatrix. If any of you get the crazy urge to marry, just watch an episode of ‘Bridezillas’; it’ll be enough to, shall we say, cool your ardor to get married? When you see what women are REALLY like (spiteful, demanding, nagging bitches), and ‘Bridezillas’ shows us that, you’ll wise up quick…

MarkyMark

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At 8:52 AM, darkbhudda said…

So should guys like me, who intend to spare all women the risk of Post Bridal Depression, be given money for sparing the government the costs of psychiatric care and counsellers, as I have no interest in marrying any of those pampered, arrogant slappers?

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At 12:27 PM, Anonymous said…

this is one sweet sweet blog

i am a new convert to the men’s movement, raised on glenn sacks and warren farrell

this blog makes great points

bugger marraige lol

man, i feel so empowered by this

it’s the natural end point

just tell women to get fucked altogether

hell, i already did it. she had me all tied up, engaged and everything, at the tender age of 22 ffs!

and it’s true about women being the ones who commit the most spousal domestic violence, you should have seen what she threw at me (and what broke upon hitting me) when i politely informed her of my decision

enough!

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At 2:32 PM, Bernie said…

The Garbage Generation: Chapter V

The wives have been working for the husbands, as she says. But the husbands have also been working for the wives. The wife’s withdrawal of her services by divorce ends the husband’s reciprocal obligations; and if the husband’s income is greater, that proves the desirability of having a husband, not the justice of reducing an ex-husband to bondage. If being in need (Mutilated Beggar argument) were enough to ensure the subsidization of ex-wives by ex-husbands, marriage would become superfluous except as a preliminary to divorce. Female economic need is one of the chief props of marriage. Meeting this need by divorce arrangements means subsidizing ex- wives simply because they are female–a reductio ad absurdum of Betty Friedan’s insistence that American wives should stop being parasites, stand on their own feet “and compete without sexual privilege or excuse.” If a wife is a parasite for taking a virtually free ride on the back of her husband, an ex-wife who takes a free ride on the back of an ex-husband, for whom she performs no reciprocal services whatever, is trebly parasitic. The female-headed families which seek to exploit the Mutilated Beggar argument are the source of most social pathology. Feminists aver that this pathology results from the poverty of these families, the cure for which is more of somebody else’s money. But better subsidization of female-headed families would mean more female-headed families, more crime, more illegitimacy and the rest of the ills cited in Chapter I. The alternative to the female-headed family is not a better- funded female-headed family but the patriarchal family, which produces not only more money but less crime, more stability and higher achieving offspring. The props needed to make the patriarchal family once again normative could be easily restored– the father’s control over his paycheck and society’s guarantee of father custody in the event of divorce. Father custody would mean few husbands would divorce their wives, knowing that without them they would be overburdened with a double role of breadwinning and child care. It would mean few wives would divorce their husbands, knowing that divorce would cost them their children and their standard of living. It would place economic and psychological motivations on the side of marriage instead of pitting them against marriage.

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At 3:22 PM, barcodecancelledman said…

Yeh but, if all she wants is a kid she can become a leg-over sperm bandit!

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At 6:59 PM, Phoenix said…

In the past, a father would usually pay a large dowery for his daughter to get married. We’ve gotten rid of this custom over time I guess, yet women are still a drain on the husband’s resources. The father of the bride should at the very least cover the entire wedding, since obviously the husband isn’t the one that wants it.

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At 10:30 PM, Playboy said…

An average cost of £14,400 per wedding? Let’s see, at the current UK-US exchange rate that is $27460-dollars. Thats a 2006 Mini Cooper [$17450], a 2006 Triumph Bonneville Black [$6999], a big box of Carbury chocolates [$8], with $3000-dollars left over. Just so the USA guys understand.

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At 1:46 AM, NYMOM said…

Most women in the US today marry so late that they can’t really ask their parents to pay for their wedding. So they ask for some contribution, but wind up footing most of the expense of the wedding themselves.

The groom pays for the engagement ring and maybe for the honeymoon…so men have little to complain about in this area as if a woman is spending her own money, which she saved for her wedding, then quite frankly it’s none of your concern.

AND since England and the US are very similar in many ways, I suspect it’s the same situation there…

My ex-husband paid for the ring and our honeymoon and I paid for everything else…including clothes for his kids from a prior marriage so they could attend…so again, if it’s our money, it none of your business what we chose to spend it on. If I wished to have a lavish wedding with everyone dressed well and paid for it myself, it’s my money I can do what I want with it…

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At 8:49 AM, nevo said…

NyMom

Once again you have shown us your ilk. Not that I was interested. Your personal feminist life is not something you should flag about. It can only promote anti-feminism.

For what I read so far I can see that only the meek will marry a feminist which, eventually, they will profoundly hate the meekish men.

NEVO

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At 12:43 PM, Anonymous said…

NY Mom said:
“The groom pays for the engagement ring and maybe for the honeymoon…so men have little to complain about in this area as if a woman is spending her own money, which she saved for her wedding, then quite frankly it’s none of your concern.”

*No, most of these weddings are paid for with credit. Guess what? In the USA you are responsible for your wife’s CC bill. So the men are paying.
If I was going to choose between the following guess which one I will choose.
1) Big wedding
2) Big down payment on a house.
That’s right I would choose #2. Why, a wedding is gone in a day. A house stays around and will make you money.

“it’s my money I can do what I want with it…”

True!!! Unless you want him to support you in any way. Then you should have no say in it.

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At 1:07 PM, darkbhudda said…

“If I wished to have a lavish wedding with everyone dressed well and paid for it myself, it’s my money I can do what I want with it…”

Well, congrats on being the only woman on the planet to have done so.
Everyone else either has the groom pay for it, his parents or her parents or a combination. If a woman pays for it in any way then they go into debt via credit cards or loans. Eventually hubby pays for it. But she still gets to feel like a strong, independant woman.

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At 3:47 PM, Ald said…

“if it’s our money, it none of your business what we chose to spend it on”

You have just confirmed your inability to handle criticism. Bloated ego prevents from ever recognising flaws in your ways.

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At 5:14 PM, Pete said…

“Most women in the US today marry so late that they can’t really ask their parents to pay for their wedding. So they ask for some contribution, but wind up footing most of the expense of the wedding themselves.”

I was incredulous when I read that statement, but then I realized that its by nymom, so it has to be false. Go away you bitter old cunt, we all know that marriage is just an opportunity for women to sponge off of someone else’s money.

If we take this statement like all your other statements (like all feminist statements in fact) then the true fact is the 180° version – that they ask their parents to pay for the wedding, shaming the poor man and his parents into paying for more than their fair share too.

Savings – ha! They’ll die before they put the money in a CD instead of spending it on shoes and shiny shit.

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At 4:05 PM, Anonymous said…

The Three Phases of Modern Womanhood

Before Wedding: Skankzilla

Wedding Day: Bridezilla

After Wedding: Pigzilla

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At 1:29 PM, NYMOM said…

I thought I would post a link for anybody who was interested demonstrating that indeed WOMEN AND/OR THEIR FAMILIES pay for the majority of wedding expenses.

It’s why actually at least in NY state, engagement rings are not always returned and this is legal.

As the selling of the ring (in the event of a cancellation of the wedding) can help offset some of the NON-REFUNDABLE expenses such as caterers, flowers, dress, etc., that the BRIDE and/or her family pays for.

They also mention how men can buy an engagement ring just to lure a woman into bed…when she was planning on saving herself for her husband…but was fooled into thinking this guy was legitimately going to marry her.

Steven Rhoads in “Taking Sex Differences Seriously” mentions the same thing. How many men purchase ‘fake’ engagement rings to fool women into bed with the promise of a marriage.

I don’t know how they do it in England but since women in the US are marrying later, WE, WOMEN, the BRIDES are paying for MOST of the expenses of our weddings OURSELVES.

Thus, as long as we pay for it ourselves with our OWN MONEY, it’s none of your concern…

Here is the link for those who are interested:

http://writ.lp/findlaw.com/grossman/20011023.html

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At 3:59 PM, NYMOM said…

BTW, and feel free not to allow this to post on the general comments section if you wish, I think you should allow me to begin posting w/o going through the review policy.

It will allow my comments to post in a more timely manner and enable a real debate to proceed…especially considering that I am the ONLY commenters who is posting anything debatable, as everyone else is just posting variants of “I agree with you.”

If you’re interested in a real discussion about anything that is.

Actually, I find that many mens rights advocates similar to gender neutralized feminists are NOT really interested in debate, but in fact, are just posting their own opinion so others can agree with them…

So it’s your call…

As I probably won’t continue posting if you don’t take off this delay…it just makes it too difficult and time consuming to really engage anyone. Since they’ve already moved onto other things by the time my response is posted.

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At 4:10 PM, NYMOM said…

“A wedding is gone in a day. A house stays around and will make you money.”

Oh, I missed this.

I once read an article that stated little girls start dreaming about and planning their wedding since they are about 7 years old. My grand daughter is 11 and already loves looking at bridal magazines that someone in our apt. building has been recycling…

So you cannot expect someone who has been planning something since they are SEVEN to accept a discount version in order to help you put a down payment on a house…save up your downpayment yourself as women and their families are generally paying MOST of the expense of the wedding anyway…

This I feel is just a jealousy issue for men…since women are the center of attention at weddings and during the planning stages. Men, as always cannot stand NOT having the world revolve around them so this is the real issue.

Of course, men would LOVE it for women to just rush down to the justice of the peace and then do a cheap weekend somewhere…then men could use her savings (dowry) to help themselves with something…

Typical…

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At 8:55 PM, Anonymous said…

This I feel is just a jealousy issue for men…since women are the center of attention at weddings and during the planning stages. Men, as always cannot stand NOT having the world revolve around them so this is the real issue.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Maybe homosexual men would be jealous at all the attention. Are those the only men who can be around you? “Oh, I just love her gown! I hate her. She gets all the attention! I want to be the bride.” Clue for you: MEN ARE NOT WOMEN. We don’t think the same. We are not catty, petty, and jealous. Those are female traits. Those are not male qualities. Talk to other men who are not flaming homosexuals (or psychologically castrated manginas or metrosexuals) and they will tell you they often find the whole spectacle kind of revolting. It’s like attending some Estrogen Orgy. I’ve been to weddings and I’ve felt I was about to suffocate on all the feminized bullshit. Wedding are NOT about the marriage. They ARE about a celebration for the woman on scoring ($$$). Men will go to them to hit on (and bed) the single desperate women there, but that’s about it. Most men would rather go fishing or play a first person shooter game than attend this Vagina Worship Festival.

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At 9:17 PM, Anonymous said…

BTW, and feel free not to allow this to post on the general comments section if you wish, I think you should allow me to begin posting w/o going through the review policy.

“Me! Me! Me! I’m a woman! Special privileges for me!”

Wow, just like real life…

It will allow my comments to post in a more timely manner and enable a real debate to proceed…especially considering that I am the ONLY commenters who is posting anything debatable, as everyone else is just posting variants of “I agree with you.”

Depends how you define “real debate”. If you mean arguing just for arguments sake women are experts at that.

It’s when we start talking about Objective Reality (e.g., “Did the Patriarchy create civilization, Yes or No?”) that it becomes pointless talking with a woman. It’s like trying to debate with a politician. The whole essence of their being is to bob-and-weave, avoid Objective Reality, blame problems that THEY cause on other people, and hold onto their (unearned and undeserved) power. No matter what the cost. Just like women!

If you’re interested in a real discussion about anything that is.

Actually, I find that many mens rights advocates similar to gender neutralized feminists are NOT really interested in debate, but in fact, are just posting their own opinion so others can agree with them…

So it’s your call…

Actually men read what Duncan write and think to themselves “I feel the same way!” See your thinking like a modern narcissistic woman again. Which is fine if you’re talking about women, but when you project that men think the same way you do it doesn’t work.

As I probably won’t continue posting if you don’t take off this delay…it just makes it too difficult and time consuming to really engage anyone. Since they’ve already moved onto other things by the time my response is posted.

My experience with argumentative women is that they don’t like to problem solve, but just like the drama and attention that comes with conflict. They will say the most ridiculous things (and then switch to the opposite side during the same argument or the following week) as long it creates ongoing attention and drama in their lives.

It’s a real toss up about what drives women more: narcissism or materialism.

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At 9:24 PM, Anonymous said…

Thus, as long as we pay for it ourselves with our OWN MONEY, it’s none of your concern…

On Earth women are HUGELY in debt.

Putting her wedding/reception on her credit card is NOT paying it with her own money since the civil union now makes her debts his.

I guess that was Cupcake’s plan all the way along…

About the “none of your concern” ahhh if women could only live by that rule. And God created the Busy Body. Always minding other people’s business. Demanding that Law after Law be created just because “she doesn’t like something”. Woman (Or is it Woe-Is-Man).

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At 10:17 PM, Duncan Idaho said…

As I probably won’t continue posting if you don’t take off this delay…

The reason there’s a delay is because I actually have to go to work and blogs like my own are blocked by the company firewall, and comments need approval because I say damn well say so. The only ones I really reject, in any case, are spammers. I like having feminist opinions floating around for everyone to laugh at.

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At 12:20 AM, NYMOM said…

“…I like having feminist opinions floating around for everyone to laugh at…”

Well dont’ get attached to it as you’re about to lose your comic relief…

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At 12:48 AM, Anonymous said…

It will allow my comments to post in a more timely manner and enable a real debate to proceed…especially considering that I am the ONLY commenters who is posting anything debatable, as everyone else is just posting variants of “I agree with you.”

I can’t speak for Duncan, but I have to deal with the bottomless STUPIDITY of women all day. This is one of the few places I can go to get way from you Living Diseases. What makes you think you are wanted here by the male audience at-large? We’ve heard all of your pseudo arguments so many times we can recite them in our sleep. You’ve been shot down more times than the German Luftwaffe. Is English your first language? Go away. You are a disease. Most Western Women are a disease. The sooner God exterminates you the better. You cannot be reasoned with. Your stupidity and limited reasoning ability is GENETIC.

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At 5:54 PM, LauraS said…

Well… Not ALL women turn into Bridezilla. I got married (1st time) 2+ years ago. Didn’t even buy an engagement ring. We went to City Hall and then had a backyard BBQ for about 100 people.
Total cost, USD$5,000.
Then our honeymoon was 4 weeks spent backpacking on the cheap around the Yucatan Peninsula.

The honeymoon, (lots of time spent alone with new hubby, not trying to impress people for a few hours), was the most important thing to me. And, new hubby agreed.

BTW… Great blog!

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