Sing-a-long


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10 February 2007

kevinwilson.jpg

When I was a teenager a classmate gave me a copy of an album by Kevin Bloody Wilson, an Australian singer and stand-up, renowned for filthy comedic songs. My favourite song was Super Mega Fugly about an incredibly ugly woman. It could have been written for Andrea Dworkin or any other feminist scum. It’s a cracking song, and I managed to find the lyrics online.

(Incidentally, for those who don’t know, ‘root’ is Australian slang for sex, and the term ‘pissed’ is used in the Commonwealth sense of being drunk, rather than angry.)

She’s a super mega fugly with a mouldy mango twist,
Complexion like a pizza with warts and moles and zits.
And just to even say her name you’ve gotta be half pissed,
Cause she’s a super mega fugly with a mouldy mango twist.

When she was born the doctor slapped her mother in the mouth,
And when they brought her home they wouldn’t let her in the house.
And as she grew, it’s sad to say, she just grew uglier,
They tied some snags around her neck so the dog would play with her.

Before she went to school each day they had to iron her face,
She’d get the cuts for comin’ early and merit points for comin’ late.
And they had her portrait painted in six different shades of shit,
Cause she’s a super mega fugly with a mouldy mung bean twist.

She’s a super mega fugly with a mouldy mung bean twist,
Including her own mum and dad she’s never yet been kissed.
And just to even say her name you’ve gotta be half pissed,
Cause she’s a super mega fugly with a mouldy mung bean twist.

When she puts on her lipstick it keeps backin’ down the tube,
And I’ve woke up screamin’ dreamin’ that I’ve seen her in the nude.
When she sits on the beach the tide’s too frightened to come in,
A sperm whale tried to root her last time she went for a swim.

If they made an ugly-meter she’d blow the thing to bits,
Under ‘grotesque’ in the dictionary there’s a photo of her tits.
And if I ever crack a fat for her I’d amputate me dick,
Cause she’s a super mega fugly with a busted arsehole twist.

She’s a super mega fugly with a busted arsehole twist,
Hell’s angels wouldn’t root her, said they’re not that fuckin’ sick.
So she bought herself a dildo but she couldn’t keep it stiff,
Cause she’s a super mega fugly with a busted arsehole twist.

She’s a super mega fugly – Oh god she’s fuckin’ ugly!
She’s a super mega fugly with a hangin’ haemmoroid twist.

I tried to find an MP3 of it online but with no luck, but if you find it, it’s worth downloading as it actually has a good tune too.

posted by Duncan Idaho @ 8:39 PM

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At 9:16 PM, Twister said…

Try Limewire… a friend of mine says they have his stuff on there. Of course, I haven’t looked myself because it is illegal.

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At 9:30 PM, Days of Broken Arrows said…

Cute post, but I prefer Frank Zappa’s assertion that the “ugliest part of your body might be your mind.”

Also, the titles to your posts don’t often show up in my browser unless I highlight them by running the cursor over them.

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At 11:16 PM, patriarchal-phoenix said…

*Looks over lyrics again.*

*Scratches out “We Shall Over Come”*

I think we may have found the anthem for the Men’s Rights Movement!
🙂

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At 11:24 PM, FredXblog said…

Thanks for this Duncan

I haven’t heard of him before, but I’m going to check his songs out

Cheers

Fred

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At 12:07 AM, Duncan Idaho said…

Also, the titles to your posts don’t often show up in my browser unless I highlight them by running the cursor over them.

That’s happened to me before too. Fuck knows what it is but it’s only happened to me when I’ve been using Internet Explorer. I’ve long since switched to Firefox, although admittedly even that isn’t flawless.

BTW, sorry once again for the annoying word verification bollocks, but I turned it off the other day and I honestly got 70 spam comments for Viagra and porn posted in one single day. Word verification is a pain in the arse but it’s the only thing that’ll thwart spam motherfuckers.

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At 12:52 AM, Anonymous said…

I honestly got 70 spam comments for Viagra and porn posted in one single day

But no “Congratulations, you have won the Zambian Lottery!” notifications?

🙂

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At 5:20 AM, Christian J said…

“She’d get the cuts for comin’ early and merit points for comin’ late.”

Just to enlighten you even more on “Australiana” !

The cuts was a cane the headmaster used to punish errant students.

He would have hit harder in this case.

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At 9:36 AM, HAWKEYE said…

man if you have not listened to kenin bloody wilson you are missin out, this is super funny shit but sounds great also.
i come from the same home town as kev KALGOORLIE in western australia and if you ever get to go there you will understand how this music came about ,he tells it like it is but in a megga funny way.
my pesonal fav is LAST LAGER WALTZ.
be warned he does like to stick it to the poms, poofters and anyone else that ha can get a laugh out of.

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At 1:55 PM, Anonymous said…

Duncan could you do an article pwning the really annoying feminists on thefword.org.uk

Check one of cooltools4men latest post to see what I mean.

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At 4:31 PM, Chris Key said…

In regards to the MP3 for the aforementioned song, try here.

As an Australian I am quite familiar with Kevin “Bloody” Wilson’s music. I have three DVD’s of his and a CD album. My favourite song of his is Festival of Farts.

He makes fun of lesbians in some of his jokes.

The way he uses the word cunt in so many of his songs is hilarious.

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